I didn't make it. I'm waiting until my sadness turns to anger before I go face all the other people who were competing and didn't make it (I know a lot of them). I won't be able to joke about it if I'm still sad.

At first I was shocked, because I made the mistake of listening to people who love me tell me "Of course you'll get it. I think you'll win the State level" of course I would kind of brush it off like, whatever. But I really took it to heart, slowly, but surely. So when I found out I didn't make it it was that much harder.

I'm already feeling better though. I made it this far, that's something. It's not a lot, but it's something. I also feel like I had a lot of strikes against me. My high school was really small, and I never even had the chance to join a thespian troupe, and nearly all the finalists are in a troupe.

Uh-oh. I can feel my sadness turning to indifference. It's not allowed to do that! If my sadness turns to indifference then I almost always end up crying again, usually in front of people. I have to let my sadness turn to anger (not bitter anger at the judges or myself. Just a general anger to the competition. ;) ) and then it'll be gone for good.

I do feel a little angry, because it was very clear what they were looking for. However, I really want to talk to my judges and just ask them: why? Not because I want to say, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?! YOU SHOULD HAVE PICKED ME!" But because I really want to know what I could improve on.

Sorry. I'm rambling. Don't feel like you have to read all this, I just needed to type it out.

~Enna Isilee

Well, I'm back from my interview. I think it went okay. My monologue was good, but I really screwed up a lot of my interview questions, but I acknowledged my screwy-up ness and made the judges laugh a lot.

So... I just keep calling this a "Prestigious Acting Scholarship" and that makes me sound really snooty, so let me explain:

Round 1: Any student in Utah can apply to be chosen for this scholarship.
-------Only 52 are then chosen
Round 2: The 52 chosen are interviewed by judges and required to perform a 2-3 minute monologue (this is what I did today.)
-------Those 52 are whittled down to 15
Round 3: Those 15 are interviewed again on March 4th.
-------1 One is chosen.
Round 4: You are awarded scholarship.

The results of the top 15 will be posted tonight at midnight, but I probably won't check until I wake up in the morning, or I'll never be able to go to sleep. And I'm a student, I need sleep. I'll probably have to take some melatonin just to get myself to fall asleep at all. Eeps!

~Enna Isilee

I had call backs today. I was hoping to read for the part of a crotchety old woman who didn't believe in "divine intervention" and that sort of stuff. Instead, the director only had me read for the part of an over ambitious true believer, and I fell in love with the character. She is funny! I love funny! And she's obnoxious, which is fun too. All the other people who auditioned said that I have the part in the bag, but I'm not so sure. I'm really nervous. We find out tomorrow at 3 pm who made the cast.

Eeps!
~Enna Isilee

Yay! I'm trying out for another play. I'm super-excited, but super-scared, because I'm not sure how well I'll fit in this one. There may not be a part for me. I'm not going to tell you what the play is yet, but I will post my monologue that I'm using for my audition:

The Possessed
by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

VARVARA: Stay, hold your tongue, don’t be in a hurry! You’re a sensible girl, and there must be no mistakes in your life. Now … though you will have the money under my will, yet when I die, what will become of you, even if you have money? You’ll be deceived and robbed of your money, you’ll be lost, in fact. But married to him you’re the wife of a distinguished man. Look at him, on the other hand. Though I’ve provided for him, if I die what will become of him? But I could trust him to you. Stay, I’ve not finished. He’s frivolous, shilly-shally, cruel, egotistic, he has low habits. But mind you think highly of him, in the first play because there are many worse. I don’t want to get you off my hands by marrying you to a rascal, you don’t imagine anything of that sort, do you? He’s an old man, but you know, that’s all the better for you. You understand me, don’t you? Do you understand me? He will complain of you, he’ll begin to say things against you behind your back, he’ll whisper things against you to any stray person he meets, he’ll be forever whining and whining; he’ll write you letters from one room to another, two a day, but he won’t be able to get on without you all the same, and that’s the chief thing.

Tada! Wish me luck. I audition on Tuesday, and find out if I made callbacks Thursday, and then find out if I made the play Friday!